The Newsman
The newsman awakens in a high-rise penthouse suite
He’s handed a cappuccino and fires off a tweet
The message is powerful in these dire times
People still need to listen to men who wear ties
Stepping into his closet, he dons a black Armani
With cufflinks and Gucci’s—the voice of the people is ready
A newsman must always look somber and sincere
The fate of the nation depends on his ability to sell fear
Once at the studio, the newsman gets right to work
No time for meetings, but he’ll make time to flirt
The interns hate him—and that’s not his fault
Maybe if they worked harder, they’d have what he’s got
Who cares no one watches, and they all prefer Rogan
He’s got a panel of experts to answer his questions
The 4th Estate would be nothing without him
I mean, he’s the only one playing himself in movies of fiction
His job is to hold power to account and point out corruption
And yes, he makes millions working for a multi-billion dollar corporation
But they’re not the bad guys; he knows that’s your hunch
Let’s break for a pharma ad, but first, an exclusive on what Trump had for lunch
He once met Colbert at the White House Correspondents Dinner
Next time he wants to meet that actress who dated John Mayer
His mom is so proud, she tells him he’s brave
He did wear a Patagonia that one time in the rain
Politicians fear him; he won’t put up with their spin
He asks them questions, they go on to win
No party owns him or keeps him from telling the truth
It’s not his fault one party’s ugly, and the other is cute
He’s your voice and your hero, and he’s on your side
Where would the world be without him and his kind
We’d probably be happier and nicer; it’s true
But then, who would tell us the sky isn’t blue