One thing I like about the news is the formality. They can create an aura of professionalism and seriousness, which somehow makes you forget they’re incapable of either.

Don’t get me wrong—I like a good charade.

Why not dress up like you’re going to a cocktail party every night while reading words someone else wrote off a teleprompter? The deadly combination of formal wear, an expensive haircut, and a somber look can change the world.

With that introduction, I wrote a poem about a newsman.